We’ve all been in this situation. The time when our shoulder to cry on also becomes the object of our desire. You can’t decide whether you love them because they are your friend or if they are your friend because you love them.
Can men and women really be friends?
The iconic movie “When Harry met Sally” posed an eternal question, can men and women truly be friends? Unfortunately, I agree with their conclusion. Men and women can never be friends till they figure out where they stand on the “love/like” front. At least one of them will harbor these thoughts and until they pass, they will never truly be friends.
I speak from experience. I have a wide circle of friends, which includes a lot of guys. And as weird and strange as it sounds, I can bracket ALL of them into two groups – guys I’ve had a crush on and guys who’ve had a crush on me. I cannot think of a single person who doesn’t fall into one of the brackets. And if you’re true to yourself, you’ll realize I’m telling the truth. Even a 10 minute time period when you found yourself wondering if your friend could be your potential partner counts. At the end of the day, you saw something in them that you thought could possibly make them your love interest but when you saw the whole deal, you realized it probably wasn’t worth it.
But if you came to the conclusion that you do indeed want to be with this person, tread with caution. This person is your friend right? Are you prepared to put your friendship on the line? If they don’t feel the same way, will you be able to cope with the loss of not only a potential partner but also a friend? Yes? Good, we’re ready to roll!
Friends to lovers – Are you really crushing on your friend?
Ask yourself – Am I sure I’m not mistaking friendship for love? It’s easy to get confused. Try imagining a potentially sexual encounter with your “friend” in question. If the thought makes you cringe, you’re barking up the wrong tree.
Remember just because you get along as friends it’s not necessary that you’ll click as partners: I say this out of experience. My friend was a bit of recluse and it didn’t bother me one bit when we were friends, but when we started dating, I couldn’t take deal with it.
Make sure your friend doesn’t feel forced: You know, they don’t want to hurt you so they say okay but they really don’t want to be in that relationship. You don’t want that do you?
If you just had a break up, slow down: If you recently had a breakup, its easy to mistake your shoulder to cry on for true love. Rebound love, heals you, but your friend shouldn’t be your rebound right?
The butterflies: I don’t know why no one thinks these are important. If you get butterflies in your stomach when you see them/touch them, it’s a clear sign that you want more than friendship.
If you have reached this stage, you should try asking them out on a date. I hope it works out, friends to lovers seems more of a mythical thing to me – you know the kind everyone wants but very few get. Who know, you could be one of the lucky ones.
Photograph via sxc.hu