I know I wrote a very clear cut post about why your ex(s) might be calling you, but I didn’t follow up with what you should be doing when they DO call you!

Caught in a similar situation, I had to deal with all the four types of ex(s) all at once.. But honestly, I have only myself to blame. A life altering decision made me reach out to all those I hold important. My ex(s) included. Anyhooo.. Needless to say, I was totally screwed up for days and still kind of am.

But honestly, I think I handled myself pretty well. So I thought I’ll do a post on how you should be dealing with your ex. I’m sorry guys, this one is specifically targeted at girls.

Dealing with your ex

The friend-ed ex: If this guy reaches out to you, you know you’re going to take his call. You had some wonderful times together and he doesn’t bother you much. Both of you catch up once in a while and spend times like good old buddies. He was easy to deal with. Very normal, no fuss..

The psycho ex: This is the guy who is still not over you. He gets jealous if you put up pictures with other guys but claims he doesn’t. Why do I bother being in touch with him? I don’t know, I am from a breed of women who think that its important not to let go of people. Anyway. The best way to deal with such a person is not to get too friendly. Always maintain some distance. Don’t give in to his accusations of how you don’t treat him right and never never never fall into the trap of talking about the past.

The ex you’re not over: This was hard, I’ll admit it. In fact, its been 4 days and I haven’t been able to tell him the “life altering decision.” After hours of procrastination, I decided to ping him on gtalk. He was busy, I quietly logged off. Today he pinged me and then disappeared. I guess I was an idiot to believe I can be normal with someone I’m not yet over. Anyway, to give myself some credit, I didn’t panic or flood his window with “where’d you go.” got out with some dignity intact. I think I should let this one be till I’m sure that I’m over him. After all, I don’t want to be his “psycho ex”

You may also like:

• Letting go of love
• Now you’re just somebody that I used to know

We all want to be happy.. I know I desperately want to be. Not just happy, ecstatically so. And I recently read a book, which really made me think.. Its called The Secret by Rhonda Byrnes.

The secret of happiness

The Secret says that only you are responsible for your happiness and sadness. You have no business expecting other people to make you happy. In a relationship or otherwise. If you are always complaining that your boyfriend or girlfriend doesn’t do enough to make you happy, its time to start thinking a little differently. Its not them, its you. You don’t do enough to keep yourself happy.

They are just a means of bringing that happiness and joy to you. The origin of your happiness must be you. If you don’t love yourself, if you don’t respect yourself, there are chances that your partner treats you the same way.

Love yourself so much that you are positively brimming with it. Write down what you love about yourself. Of course its easy for a narcissist like me, but no matter how hard it is. Write it down and read it to yourself, everyday. Imagine your perfect partner. Heck! Write that down too. And believe in it. Whenever you start thinking about bad things that have happened to you, imagine something pleasant.. I always break into a song. It always works like a charm.

Being happy shouldn’t be a passing feeling, it should be a state of being.

The book says, when you truly deeply desire something, the universe grants it to you. It may sound like a whole lot of mumbo jumbo.. But I truly deeply believe in it. Give it a shot, after all, there’s no harm in trying right?

Photograph via sxc.hu

You may also like:

• Am I in love?
• Friends to lovers – the transition

How many times have you asked yourself “am I in love”? Every time you felt the butterflies? Every time someone made your heart flutter? You, my friend are not alone. This valentine’s day, I wanted to write something positive. Just because I’m single and fabulous doesn’t mean I’m going to ruin it for everyone else.

Am I in love?

I am not going to bother with the attraction and the butterflies, because they found the basis of love. If you are not attracted to him/her, you don’t love them(as a partner). But of course, we’ve already established that you like someone and are wondering whether you love them after being with them for some time.

Well, for starters, the very fact that you’re trying to figure out shows me that you could be. I never went online trying to research a boy’s feelings except for one guy. I think it was the closest I ever got to love.

What do you do when you are not together? I know women constantly obsess with what their guys are doing. Constantly. It’s always there in some part of our head. If your relationship is new, it’s even more true.

Do you think about them while making important decisions? I don’t mean decisions like whether to go out with your friends or whether you should buy a phone. I mean serious things like – should I move to another city for my job or should I be buying this apartment. If you are factoring them in your future, long term, yes, you are very much in love.

Do you miss them when you are happy? Its normal to miss people when you are lonely and sad. But do you think about them when you are in a large group, having a gala time? I know I used to think of this guy when I was having a rocking time, thinking about what all I would have to tell him. So do? Yes? “Am I in love” – seems easier to answer now doesn’t it?

In sickness and in health – There is a reason they have that part in a wedding vow – “in sickness and in health”. Someone once told me, you can never really say that you love someone till you’ve taken care of them when they are sick. I haven’t done this. But it makes sense doesn’t it?

Where’s your pride? – I know this one is important for someone like me, because I have a huggggggggge ego. I was willing to push it down and take my pride down a couple of notches. But if you are doing all the toning down, he/she is not in love with you, he/she is subjugating you.

Am I in love? I was. Are you?

You may also like:

• If a girl likes you
• Things women should know about men

Now I’ll admit it, I don’t know much about this.. Infact, I may be as clueless at interpreting what men say as you are. But, I don’t know, I thought it would be nice to put this out there and see if there are any women who think like me and more importantly, any men who think I’m right on target.

What men say

Nothing: No no, I don’t mean they say the word “nothing”, they just don’t say anything. I once dated a guy who would clam up every time we had a minor disagreement. You cannot imagine how infuriating it was telling him all that was bothering him and not getting a peep out of him. I felt like a mother scolding her child. His take was, he couldn’t think straight with me expecting him to reply..

I love you: (When you are making out) – I fell for this as though gravity had magnified its intensity a thousand times over. Once we split though, I began to wonder whether he had really meant that he loves me or maybe he just loved what I was doing then. Makes sense doesn’t it?

Okay: Gah! Another annoying word. I can’t recount the number of times I have gone on and on about something only to be reciprocated with “okay”. But as it turns out, guys don’t mean anything by it. In their heads, “okay” is a perfectly okay response to anything. So don’t over-think this one. An okay is just that.. Its okay.

I can’t give you the time you need: If someone has ever said this to you, you probably would have felt like I did. As though all wind as been knocked out of you. What they mean by this? I don’t know, but it sure as hell sounded like he didn’t want to meet me and was trying to sugar the whole thing. Hurt like hell.

I probably pushed you into this: My last boyfriend said this to me once I broke up with him. He said this but he was unwilling to put in any effort to pull me out of it.. Just showed me that he wasn’t that into me.

I’ll call you later: (Once you split up) Foolish me, I was actually expecting him to call so that we could put an end to the weirdness between us. It’s been two months and counting.. That call hasn’t come. But then again.. I do this too.. so I’m willing to overlook this.

I don’t know: I really feel sad for guys when they say “I don’t know”. I know it means they’re confused and not sure how you’ll react if they tell you the truth, but really guys, get a spine. We can deal with the truth you know.

I can’t: I don’t care who says “I can’t”, men or women, it should be translated to “I don’t want to.” Period.

I know I’m being partial to the women here, but hey, I have to give preference to my gender right? If there are any guys who want to dispute this, step right up , I would love to know I’m wrong!

You may also like:

• What women say
• Things women should know about men

Photograph via sxc.hu

Lets start with the basics, What women say:

Nothing: It’s a dangerous word. If your lady says “nothing’s wrong”, know that something is drastically wrong. She wants to talk about it, but she doesn’t want you think she’s bothering you. She’s hoping it will die down or that you’ll understand what it is without her talking about it

Forget it: another potentially dangerous. In my opinion, its worse than “nothing.” Forget it implies that she thinks you’ll never understand the problem and she’s wasting her breath on trying to make you understand it. Don’t “forget it” when she says it. It means she’s dying to have a out and out war over it, but doesn’t think it’s worth the effort.

Someday: I don’t know if any other girl uses this word as often as I do. But I use this when I don’t want to commit. I’ll give you an example, supposing you ask me to maybe write you a love letter(pansy I know, but I would personally love to receive one ), I’ll say someday, even though I really want to. Why? Because I’m don’t want to do too much for you and then watch you walk out of my life.

Never mind: Similar to “forget it”, but a little softer in tone. Never mind is the equivalent of saying – gah! I wish you’d understand but screw it, there are other things we could be doing or talking about.

You don’t have to: This one is funny because if she says “you don’t have to”, she really wants you do it. She just wants to protect her ego and pride and not make it seem like she wants you to do it. Just do it, please? If you like her, you can do some things for her occasionally, can’t you?

I don’t know, what do you think: Maybe not so common, but an important one. When a girl says “I don’t know”, you could be confusing her about something or stressing her out about something. Or maybe she just wants you to take the lead and decide.

It’s nice: If you gave her something and she says “Its nice”, in all probability, she hates it. Be a sport, buy her something she can exchange..

It’s okay: If you’ve just apologized to her, and she says “its okay”, it probably not but she’s willing to let it pass.

I don’t care anymore: She really does, she’s just supremely upset about something and she just wants to show you that you don’t hold any power over her.

Basically, I think you should be listening to a woman’s tone rather than what she says. Women say a million things with their eyes, they can convey hurt, love, hope, sadness. When you learn to speak her language without saying a word, you can say that you truly understand a woman

Ooooooooh! A nice post that I’m going to have a lot of fun with.. Its no secret that girls are a sucker for words. Flattery will get you places, as long as it has a genuine base. A girl will always remember what you say to her. So its only obvious that you should know what to say and more importantly, what not to say.

Things to say to a girl

• Tell her she’s beautiful: Obvious. Don’t think twice. Just say it. Even if you think that her mind is more attractive, tell her she looks fabulous. All women are a little vain and love to get compliments, especially from their man. Look straight into her eyes and tell her, (insert her name here) you’re beautiful. If you don’t know her too well, don’t compliment her very often.
• Make fun of her: Keep it subtle and nothing over the top and obvious. Pay attention to what she says. As long as you don’t make fun of her looks and her intelligence you should be safe. Making fun of her comments should be okay. DO NOT OVERDO this.
• Tell her you are thinking of her: Once in a while, send her a text/mail saying you are thinking of her. It’ll make her day, getting an unexpected text from you.
• Appreciate her friends: Not too much though, just enough to let her know that you like her friends. A girls’ friends are her life line. Do nothing to get on their wrong side.
• Compliment her when she dresses up: If she’s dressed up for you, compliment her. As I’ve said before, nothing upsets a girl more than her guys’ indifference. So if she has put in some effort, appreciate it!
• Ask her about her day: Mind your tone with this. Asking her about her day doesn’t mean you have to know who she went out with, who she met. The idea is to ask her what she felt, how was work and just to know what is going on in her life. Don’t use it as an opportunity to spy on her.
• Find out what her quirky tastes are and talk about that: If she likes a particular author, you could say something like – ‘You must be the only person in this room who likes that guy!’ She’ll be surprised that you know what she likes and that you know enough about the author to have an opinion.
• Don’t bore her with sports/technology/politics: Yes, girls like smart guys. Yes a conversation around those topics can be very interesting once in a while but you really don’t want to be the guy who gives her this kind of gyaan every time.
• Don’t ever comment on her weight, clothes or facial hair Seriously, unless you are her best friend, don’t. She’ll hate you forever!

There you go! I can’t think of other things to say to a girl. Will update if I remember something. Hope I helped all you shy guys out there.

photograph via sxc.hu

Dear ex boyfriend XYZ,

I’m writing to you from —-. It’s been exactly 27 days since we split and 20 days since we last spoke. I was well on the way to recovery, heck I had even stopped checking my phone. And then I saw you online. You had come online knowing you’d find me there. Of course I didn’t reach out to you. I’m still waiting for you to do that. Remember? You told me you’ll call me later? I’m still waiting.

Anyway, this letter isn’t to make you feel guilty. Its to let you know that even though I’ll never understand why we couldn’t make it work, I don’t hold it against you. Like I said, a relationship implies two people. Both of them equally important. And if you think we won’t work out in the long run, I’m sure you have a damn good reason for believing that. Just because I don’t see it that way doesn’t make it wrong.

So I release you. From all that I held over you, I release you. I hope you have a happy and successful life. I pray (despite being an atheist) that you get everything you ever wanted. I wish you find the kind of love you are looking for. You were/are a truly spectacular person and I see something in you that most people may not see. I see a glimmer of ambition and I know you are going to do brilliant things ahead. I just hope we’ve patched up by then and are on talking terms so that I can walk up to you and congratulate you on all your success knowing that somewhere, my belief in you played a part.

I’m writing to you to tell you that I understand. Being with someone is difficult. Breaking up with someone you love is harder. I know for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why we had to be apart even though we were crazy about each other. But you were right, our idea about love varies. You couldn’t give me what I wanted and I most definitely couldn’t be the girl of your dreams. But gosh xyz! Imagine if we’d tried. I think not knowing the outcome of that if is what is killing me. Didn’t you think I was worth the effort? I wasn’t asking for the moon, was I?

Damn! I’d promised myself I wouldn’t do this. Anyway, all things said and done, I would love it if we could be friends. I know it may not be possible now or even two years later, but whenever you are ready, pick up that phone and call me. I loved you for a reason and that reason still exists.

I will always be waiting.

Love needs work

Photograph via sxc.hu

We’ve all been in this situation. The time when our shoulder to cry on also becomes the object of our desire. You can’t decide whether you love them because they are your friend or if they are your friend because you love them.

Can men and women really be friends?

The iconic movie “When Harry met Sally” posed an eternal question, can men and women truly be friends? Unfortunately, I agree with their conclusion. Men and women can never be friends till they figure out where they stand on the “love/like” front. At least one of them will harbor these thoughts and until they pass, they will never truly be friends.

I speak from experience. I have a wide circle of friends, which includes a lot of guys. And as weird and strange as it sounds, I can bracket ALL of them into two groups – guys I’ve had a crush on and guys who’ve had a crush on me. I cannot think of a single person who doesn’t fall into one of the brackets. And if you’re true to yourself, you’ll realize I’m telling the truth. Even a 10 minute time period when you found yourself wondering if your friend could be your potential partner counts. At the end of the day, you saw something in them that you thought could possibly make them your love interest but when you saw the whole deal, you realized it probably wasn’t worth it.

But if you came to the conclusion that you do indeed want to be with this person, tread with caution. This person is your friend right? Are you prepared to put your friendship on the line? If they don’t feel the same way, will you be able to cope with the loss of not only a potential partner but also a friend? Yes? Good, we’re ready to roll!

Friends to lovers – Are you really crushing on your friend?

Ask yourself – Am I sure I’m not mistaking friendship for love? It’s easy to get confused. Try imagining a potentially sexual encounter with your “friend” in question. If the thought makes you cringe, you’re barking up the wrong tree.

Remember just because you get along as friends it’s not necessary that you’ll click as partners: I say this out of experience. My friend was a bit of recluse and it didn’t bother me one bit when we were friends, but when we started dating, I couldn’t take deal with it.

Make sure your friend doesn’t feel forced: You know, they don’t want to hurt you so they say okay but they really don’t want to be in that relationship. You don’t want that do you?

If you just had a break up, slow down: If you recently had a breakup, its easy to mistake your shoulder to cry on for true love. Rebound love, heals you, but your friend shouldn’t be your rebound right?

The butterflies: I don’t know why no one thinks these are important. If you get butterflies in your stomach when you see them/touch them, it’s a clear sign that you want more than friendship.

If you have reached this stage, you should try asking them out on a date. I hope it works out, friends to lovers seems more of a mythical thing to me – you know the kind everyone wants but very few get. Who know, you could be one of the lucky ones.

Photograph via sxc.hu

I did a recent post titled “He is just not that into you”. But it can happen the other way around too. Maybe she is just not that into you. A little piece of trivia – When I did some googling for keyword, I found that while 8800 people (I’m guessing mostly women) search for the phrase “He is just not that into you”, only 91 people (I’m guessing guys) search for the phrase “She is just not that into you.” Speaks volumes doesn’t it?

Anyhooooo, moving on.

Signs that she is just not that into you

She doesn’t sound very receptive when you call: She answers your phone call but it’s hard to keep her talking. And she keeps finding excuses to hang up saying she’ll call you back, but she never does. Same thing over texts. Your texts going unanswered for days together, is a big sign that she is just not that into you.

She balks at the thought of meeting you alone: Every time you ask her out, she asks you who all are coming and makes excuses if it’s just going to be the two of you.

She doesn’t mind it when other women flirt with you: Give it a try. Try talking about a girl who seems interested in you. If she doesn’t react at all, or if she encourages you whole heartedly, chances are she is just not that into you.

Her friends snicker and try “saving” her from you: If her friends interrupt your conversations  every time and try to take her away making some excuses, take the hint. She not only is not that into you, she also doesn’t like your attention. Leave this girl alone. There are a million other girls out there who would love to be your girl.

She calls you at the last moment and asks to meet up: No, don’t get excited. If she does this consistently, it’s time to start saying no. This is sort of a booty call.. But you’re not going to get anything. Maybe she doesn’t have a date and wants some company on a Friday night. If she keeps you hanging till the last moment, she’s not that into you.

She talks about how much she loves her ex or crush: Dude! Really? If this girl is clearly telling you she has the hots for someone else, she’s so not into you. If on the other hand she tells you things like how guys hit on her, she may be trying to get you jealous. So listen carefully! Read also: Things girls do if they like you.

If you have figured out this girl is just not that into you by now, my sympathies. I know how hard heartbreaks can be. Hey, I started a whole new blog because of it! All I’m saying is, eventually, you’ll learn to let this one go and be open to someone else. Just give it some time. You’ll find that amazing girl who lights up your day and makes you feel wonderful. Just you watch

Photograph via sxc.hu

I know you are perfect, I know you are wonderful, I know you are amazing, but he doesn’t see it. Girlfriend, he’s just not that into you. I know its hard to accept, its humiliating, pissing off even but some guys just don’t get how great you are. So if you’re whining away about a guy who doesn’t give you the love and respect that you deserve, it time to repeat after me.. He’s just not that into you.

Signs that he’s just not into you

He never calls: I don’t mean once or twice. He just never calls or texts or emails. Nothing. In short, he is telling you he doesn’t want to be in touch with you. Take the hint. Ditch his sorry ass and move on.

He doesn’t want to meet you: This one is fairly obvious isn’t it? If you like someone, you want to spend time with them. If he tries to cancel plans with you all the time and says things like he can’t give you the time you need, take the walk.

He doesn’t want to touch you/kiss you: I’m not going to even bother elaborating this. If the guy is not interested in making out with you, he definitely isn’t into you. You could sit around and hope that someday he’ll come to his senses or cut your losses and move on.

He doesn’t like to be seen with you in public: I don’t know much about this but it sounds to me like he’s just using you. A guy who really like you would want you to meet his friends and get along with him. Just saying, keep in mind when you date a guy like this.. That he could, just not be that into you.

He doesn’t want to commit: To anything. A date, a relationship anything! If you are in love with a guy who refuses to acknowledge what you have but at the same time doesn’t deny it either, chances are he’s just waiting for someone better to come along. Of course, I know a girl who waited 6 years for this guy and he finally came out and told her he loved her. What changed? I don’t know, but for her sake, I hope it lasts.

He says he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship: Girlies, newsflash! Guys aren’t scared of this. I say this out of experience. So if your crush is your guy friend, and he says he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship, he’s just saying “I love you as a friend, but I don’t want to date you.” Take it well; friendship and romance rarely mix when you are young. But I’ll write about that later.

He says he’s scared/confused: The number of times I’ve heard women put up with this. You are scared and confused aren’t you? You are willing to try it aren’t you? Why should you wait around patiently while he prances around guilt free.

The thing is, that while I loved the book, it was meant for a much older audience. For a bunch of women looking to get married. It also believed that love will strike everybody at first glance. That isn’t true. Sometimes it takes months, even years for love to mature into something you want to treasure for the rest of your lives. But the foundation is sound. If a guy likes you, he’ll show you that he does. In his little ways.

At the end of the day, you just have to choose for yourself. If you are convinced that this guy is perfect for you, go ahead and wait for him, shower him with love and affection so that he realises how perfect you are for him. If you have your own niggling doubts, stop right there and tell yourself – He’s just not that into me.

Photograph via sxc.hu